Inner Mean Girl Cleanse: Quit Yer Comparin' (Continued)

After my freak-out earlier this week, I've been talking to everyone and their mother (literally, my mom's friends have weighed in) about their relationship experiences, and you know what I learned? It's obvious, but truly, everyone's situation is different, and I can't compare what's going on in mine to what's going on in somebody else's. The cleanse suggests 3 coping tactics for changing negative comparison behavior: Inspiration, Appreciation, and Gratitutde. So instead of looking at what my girl friends' dating lives are like and wondering if I'm missing out on something, I can use that energy as inspiration to explore new ground with my boyfriend. For instance, we realized that while we live together and see each other every day, we still need to go on dates. Planning out a few ideas together has brought back that excited feeling from when we first started going out. Instead of wanting to change certain things about my boyfriend, I can (and do!) appreciate who he is for exactly what he is. After all, he does this for me. And I only have control over how I can change myself (ahem, hello cleanse!). And finally, gratitude. I can't tell you how great my boyfriend has been this past week as I've laid out all sorts of questions and doubts before him. He has given me the time and the space to let me go through what I'm going through, wanting only what's best for me. Honestly, how could you ask for anything more than that.

With friends, I've had my share of mean girl experiences. Even now as an adult, I compare myself to others in two ways: By thinking that as long as a friend has less than me (money, job satisfaction, more weight, etc) then I "win" (yes, I can be a horrible person at times too), or if I see someone with a level of success that I think I'll never be able to achieve, I just give up and peg them as a frenemy, my thinking here that if I position myself as such, it puts me on their same playing field, even if it's only in my mind. So how do I combat this? If a friend has more of something that I seek, it can motivate me to get that for myself, and just be happy that my friend has gotten something that they've worked hard for and deserve. In the latter case of comparison, I can appreciate the person's achievements and look to them as a mentor or try to learn from their example - as much as I'd love to think I'm brilliant at everything I do, I know I have a lot to learn. And I am always grateful for my friends - their presence, their stories, their advice, their alcohol tolerance...I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who care about me.

So what about you? How does comparison affect your life? What do you tend to do about it? Leave your comments below!


See all Inner Mean Girl cleanse posts here.

Disclosure: I am receiving a thank-you gift for participating in this project.