Inner Mean Girl Cleanse: Judge Judy

We all do it, whether we're conscious of it or not: we judge people. Silently, in thoughts that we quickly push away, in backhanded compliments that slip out of our mouths too quickly, or in heated arguments, quite blatantly. The Inner Mean Girl Cleanse asks, "Who do you judge the most?" I think judgment comes from two places: jealousy, and moral/political disagreement. We may judge someone for wearing something or acting in a certain way, only because we're jealous that we don't have the courage to do the things they do, or the confidence to put ourselves out there so boldly. We may judge someone because they have religious or political convictions that are at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from us, and we are frustrated that they can't see things the way we do. If I couldn't overcome political disagreements, I wouldn't be able to talk to my family (I represent the Rachel Maddow school of thought, and my parents prefer Fox News). To overcome these differences and focus on our relationship, we each have to ease our judgments of the other. When my family and I got into a heated debate about abortion around last year's health care talks, I stopped to ask my dad if he still thought I was a good, moral person, even though I was pro-choice. "Well, yes, you are," he said. "I still love you even though you're a liberal." And I still love him even though I refuse to watch Hannity with him. It's a give and take.

Jon Stewart said the same the other night at a talk in New York, that people can be opponents, but they don't have to be enemies. In fact, discourse between two opposing sides may actually help to move things forward. I was reminded of this at a conference I attended last weekend, where we were asked to both speak and listen to others on a given topic, then think about what we agree and disagree with, and where we might begin a conversation from common ground. The old adage in activism is to "meet people where they are." If we can stop judging others for not being like us or not believing in the things we do, we can work from what shared community we do have, and focus on solving problems, rather than exacerbating them.

Who do you judge? How do you think we might best work away from judgment?

See all Inner Mean Girl cleanse posts here.


Disclosure: I am receiving a thank-you gift for participating in this project.